10 Nov 2011

Late night blog post...uh oh

I think I might actually have a problem because not half an hour ago I was actually in a really good mood. Listening to some good music, some good things going for me such as ticking things off my (life) to do list. Love doing that; have a real sense of accomplishment. Then bam! Here I am all melancholy. Well not bam per se. My journalism assignment involves writing about how 9/11 coverage raised journalistic issues. Naturally to research and prepare for this I have to read and research about the coverage of 9/11. The tragedy isn't light reading and the eye witness account nearly had me crying. I tried to cheer myself up in some way through social networking such as tumblr, Facebook, twitter. Of course its Facebook thats put me in a foul mood. I've recently been invited to an event regarding a primary school reunion and I was just about to reply when I noticed all the people invited and the writings things on the wall (sorry couldn't help writing that phrase). All the different people invited are either at amazing top universities, working in a good job, taken, living with partners, engaged, pregnant!, slim, beautiful, grown up/mature, puberty has been kind to them and also left them alone by now. I then took a look at myself and thought ah shit!

I'm 20 and what can I say I've done compared to them! I look the same as I did when I was 14. Still fat, still spotty, still buck toothed, still weird, semi emo semi preppy kid, still single, still into the same stuff I was years ago. How am I going to seem to everyone else? It's my first school reunion and at 20 I already don't want to go. I was actually looking forward to it until I had this realisation. The worst part of it is that I can see this being my life in 10 years at the next reunion. I'll still be single, severely overweight but maybe this time I'll be living on my own with a cat or two. If I'm lucky in my career I may at least be wealthy, hopefully not living here and you never know I might of turned into a hard nose career woman aka media bitch. With the economy the way it is though not sure that's likely. I'll probably still be turning to FFAF, Simple Plan, Ben & Jerry's, Nutella and the like for comfort.

I realise I'm feeling majorly sorry for myself but hey I'm venting. That is what this blog is for after all. I do have some cool posts to write about music so feel free to skip past this one completely.

I have actually adopted the 'I don't give a fudge' attitude in the past year since leaving sixth form. Its got stronger as time has goes on. Its very liberating and should be used by us all because, really, who cares what other people think? Though it is difficult at times. I wish you could bottle confidence and prescribe/buy it.

Any ideas though on what I should do? I have a month to decide. Do I attend this dreadful reunion that I feel its going to be or do I brave it and put on a smile? ( which I will do anyway)

Let's listen to this awesome motivating and true song and reflect :) From Kelly Clarkson's newest album which I've had on repeat for most of the day


  1. I get that Bam! Melancholy feeling a lot, something random triggers it and i get in the foulest, darkest mood & everything is wrong & i hate myself and everything and eurgh.
    But hey, regarding the reunion, you've probably changed much much more than you know, and the other people might seem like things for them have got amazing but remember that on FB people only show what they want to show - there's probs lots that they keep hidden that don't actually like about themselves.
    I say go and walk in the room with your 'i don't give a fudge' attitude because nobody else has any right to judge you and if they do then they probably have nothing else better to do.
    or stay home and watch the Walking Dead :D
    I know how easy it is to be pessimistic though, I'm with you through & through on that one xxxx